The Dependency Dilemma
The Dependency Dilemma: Why I Can't Clean My Room Until I've Solved Global Warming
I tell myself every single day that today is the day I will make my life better. I have visions of productive self-improvement. Maybe I'll finally dedicate time to brushing up on my writing style, or perhaps I'll focus on practical skills like learning how to manage all the money that I don't have. These tasks are important, crucial even. But I remain paralyzed, trapped in the inescapable knowledge that I can't truly begin one thing until everything else is perfect.
The burden isn't just that I have too many things to do, but that they are all hopelessly interconnected. My brain sees life as a delicate architectural structure built upon dependencies. For example, how can I possibly start cooking an incredible meal if the kitchen isn't clean? How can I maintain the positive mindset needed to face the mess of my room if the rest of the house is making me depressed? And if I love a clean kitchen, but not as much as a clean room, and not as much as a clean house, and not as much as a clean world, where is the logical starting point?
The pursuit of universal flawlessness has led me to a constant state of too many choices, resulting in no choice at all. Which actually is a choice despite its attempt at avoiding that fact. Not only is it a choice, but the worst one in my opinion. I try to focus on something small like brushing my teeth, flossing, washing my face, or anything of that sort. But it feels pointless when the larger ecosystem is crumbling around me. Every task seems equally important and equally compromised because of this dizzying chain of causation.